Shipwreck’s Guide to Understanding Men

Authored by Shipwreck’s Sharon, Sian Williams… 

You know, nice guys aren’t the only ones who get a raw deal when it comes to relationships and matters of the heart.

It is true that every girl loves a bad boy – sorry to all you nice guys out there, but we do. It’s a thrill! The bad boy won’t call when he says he will. He’ll cancel on you at the last minute and you never really know where he is when he’s not with you. I admit I’m missing out some of the more attractive points that comes with the bad boy but that’s not what I’m here to write about today.

Nice guys always come last, but it’s also fair to say nice girls are suffering just as much. Especially those girls whose biggest crime is simply wanting to be a good partner and treat her man the way she would like to be treated.

A fantastic read on this is in Sherry Argov’s bible ‘Why Men Love Bitches’ (www.whymenlovebitches.com). 

The Nice Girl

Think about it. We all have a girl mate who bends over backwards for her man (or any man that seems interested in her). She’s the one who runs crying to her friends constantly whenever she feels unappreciated or unloved by him.  This is because women are taught that being a good girlfriend means to wait on her man hand and foot. 24-hours a day!

Of course, this only lasts for so long. Very soon, the man loses interest. He knows he’s got her hooked. And then being cared for constantly by her becomes boring. Guys love the chase! They want that bit of intrigue that comes with not knowing if they have hooked a girl 100%. If the girl serves everything to him on a platter, what’s left to look forward to?

Obviously things may change after being together for some time, and the genuine use of the word ‘love’ is brought into the equation but in order to get to that stage, more often than not, a girl’s eagerness will cause a guy’s attention span to fall short.

What Goes Wrong?

If a woman continues to try and please her man in this way, she will see him start to pull back and start getting upset when he chooses a night out with the boys rather than snuggling with her on the couch with a romantic DVD.

She’ll whinge and moan to him that he’s not spending enough time with her. This makes the man feel like spending time with her is a chore. By forcing him to do things he wouldn’t choose to do, she’s scaring him off!

Keeping ‘em Keen

However, imagine what would happen if she started making plans with her friends and slotted him in only after she’d done what she needed to do that day!  He would be intrigued and wonder ‘why doesn’t she want to be with me all the time?’ This keeps him guessing (and lusting) after her! It’s a bit like the old adage, ‘treat ‘em mean, keep ‘em keen.’

But this isn’t about games. This is about a woman not throwing away her social life, her hobbies, her opinions, for a man.

From the beginning, a nice girl will meet a man who seems “sooooo different and special.”

She then goes all out to please him because she thinks this is what a man wants.

Maybe this is what most guys think they want at certain times, but after a while being treated like a king every night with the perfect woman gets boring.

No doubt, he will stop appreciating the effort she goes to in pleasing him since he’s receiving all this treatment without making any attempt to please her.

Why would he go out of his way when he knows she’s offering it all for free anyway? Girls are almost teaching guys to expect it.

The nice girl feels she’s being taken for granted, and then comes the nagging!

By nagging you’re bringing out a guys alternative personality – that of a toddler. When a girl nags her boy because he’s upset her, after a while he will tune out. And just like a toddler, he won’t start paying attention to a word you say until you stop nagging.

I might get a few guys disputing what I’m about to say, but, men in relationships are JUST LIKE TODDLERS!

They like to be naughty and test a girl, to see how far they can push.  In the same way a toddler runs away from their mother and does exactly what they’ve been told not to just to find out the consequences.

They also will tune out the second you start whinging or whining about not spending time with you or treating you right.

The boyfriend switches off while you lecture him. He figures nothings being said that he doesn’t already know.

We girls need to learn that a man responds much better to actions than words. 
When he pisses you off, don’t sit him down and cry out in emotional squeals how much he has hurt you.

That only makes him think that he has you right where he wants you. It shows that you care about him so deeply, that you’re not going anywhere anytime soon.

So he will continue to act badly and (while you may nag) he knows there will be a kiss and cuddle waiting for him at the end.

The Solution

Instead of nagging, I suggest letting him know breezily or in a text that, ‘you have really upset me by lying to me about spending the evening with your family when you really you were out having drinks with the boys. I would rather us not spend any time together at the moment.’

Short, sweet, and doesn’t leave any room for him to argue it back. This tactic of showing self-control and distance will teach him he doesn’t completely have you under his spell and may also cause him to start making more of an effort. 

I’ve only briefly touched on this topic of lessons nice girls can learn in relationships. I highly recommend getting a copy of ‘Why Men Love Bitches’

Hopefully it will show us more how we can take action to stop being walked over by our men, and instead wear the trousers in our relationships!