Long Distance Relationships - Do They Work?
» By Shipwreck - Dec 1st, 2007
Well here I am 3,500kms away from home in the fashionable, funky, culturally-diverse city of Melbourne. Full of young people, business execs, sports stars, celebrities, and fortunately no rain (yet!). I’m doing a full weekend course on the ‘Building Relationships for Life’. I just flew in and am sitting on a bus heading to the city, looking forward to lots of Z’s –zzzzzzzz….or until my wakeup call at 6am.
But wait! Shipwreck isn’t going anywhere until he lets you in on his latest theory – whether or not long distance relationships work. And yes, you could say for the next 96 hours, I am in a long distance relationship.
We have a very limited time on this planet, and God created Adam & Eve (or Adam & Steve to be politically correct) to be with one another in the Garden of Eden. Assuming the Bible is correct, Adam wasn’t flow in by helicopter to the Big Apple and Eve certainly didn’t teleport into the ski slopes of Switzerland (snow + naked = fripples!)
Men and women are meant to be together during our time on the planet. Being apart for prolonged periods of time makes this difficult, and it can take a toll on a relationship.
I’ve only been apart from my girlfriend for all of 17hrs and yes, admittedly Shipwreck does miss her. But how long would I have to be away before our relationship becomes impossible?
Having a long distance relationship with someone is difficult at the best of times. Look at the downsides –
I’ve only been apart from my girlfriend for all of 17hrs and yes, admittedly Shipwreck does miss her. But how long would I have to be away before our relationship becomes impossible?
Having a long distance relationship with someone is difficult at the best of times. Look at the downsides –
- no one to hold, touch, kiss, hug, etc. (whilst a relationship isn’t purely a physical thing, these do make a difference)
- what if your relationship turns sour? Shipwreck is the king of knowing the frustration and pain of not being able to contact the one you care about
- time zones can make things awkward, particularly if you urgently need to get in touch
- trust – how do you know what your partner’s really doing? After all, you probably aren’t talking to their friends in the foreign place and only hear a one-sided version of their activities
Yes, there are indeed upsides, but lets look at it in a practical sense, and hence my great philosophy on long distance relationship has evolved…
Long distance relationships that work survive on two principles:
- Trust – got a funny story to tell here
- Communication – this is what makes the story funny
Not coincidentally, these principles also parallel the two most important aspects of any relationship. Without trust you cannot truly respect, and without communication you cannot truly understand. Respect and understanding are byproducts of a healthy relationship.
In practice, the majority of long distance relationships fail because of lack of both factors. Throw into the mix a burning desire to be with the one you love, and you have desperation, unhappiness, and discomfort. Remember – our time on this planet is limited, and those that realise this often give in to these factors, and hence a relationship breakdown occurs.
Two Christmas’s ago, ago I flew to London for 3 weeks prior to Christmas – you have never seen so many women go wild in one pub over Shipwreck in your life – “Oh my God he’s Aussie” would go the shouts in a rowdy pub in Nottingham – “Don’t move anywhere mister, I’ll go get my camera”.
Anyway, I had been with a girlfriend of the time for just over a year and just before I left things were going great. Right? Wrong! I thought they were, but other external factors came into play.
The day I arrived I called her to let her know I arrived safely, but could not get in touch. I finally got through the next day and she said “I don’t think we should talk for the next week or so”. She refused to give any more information, and basically cut the conversation short. So there was Shipwreck, standing in the light snow of London with squirrels running at his heels, thinking ‘What the hell does she mean by that!?!” Frustrating!
I finally got to the bottom of it the next day (having just about thrown my mobile snow at the squirrels), that her ex had flown to see her (completely coincidentally! Hah!) and she was letting him stay at her place. Did I mention it was one bedroom?
Communication was a nightmare (timezones, mobile phones etc. made life very hard), and not knowing what was going on just about drove me insane.
Putting this aside, the fundamentals of our relationship had broken down in this short space of time. And hence my philosophy evolves…
Long distance relationships can be done, but are rare. They are usually the result of an existing long-term relationship, that had to become a distant one due to factors beyond control – heck, after all, why would you want to move away from the person you love? But seriously, if you are in a relatively new relationship and, the factors are against you and you will struggle. Sometimes you need to accept that this may not be the right person, and realise there are many others literally on your doorstep that you could happily spend a close loving relationship with.
Sometimes you just need to accept what isn’t meant to be.
God created men and women to be together, to reproduce, to love each other…and over a distance many fundamentals in a relationship become tenuous.
That’s all from Shipwreck for now. I’ll be back early next week with some fantastic new insights from this exciting course. Looking forward to it!
***SPECIAL UPDATE: A mate of mine has offered to write a story for Shipwreck’s Blog - stay tuned for ‘Disco’s’ insight on how a male’s mind works! - coming this week***
Category: long distance relationships, relationship advice, relationship troubles
