How to Break Up with a Guy
» By Shipwreck - Jan 26th, 2008
Whilst watching The Bachelor last night and seeing this hunk of a guy turn down the ‘perfect blonde’, Shipwreck knew that this would be good material for his ‘Australia Day’ post. Instead, Mr Fabio chose the majorly nervous, more naturally beautiful, brunette.
Blondey was devastated as she poured her heart out to him, whilst brunettey just about fainted with the surrealness of knowing that the guy she wanted to spend the rest of her life, with wanted to be with her too.
Ooohhh, how romantic…………. Now harden up, wipe your eyes, and let’s get down to business.
The Decision to Break Up with a Guy
Breaking up with a guy is something many women fear and it is the major cause of dead-end relationships. Your job can be likened to a relationship - it provides security, gives you something to do, and you feel somewhat good because you’re contributing (albeit if it’s to someone else’s cause).
When it comes to resigning from your job you are scared of 3 things:
- Security - How long will it be before I get another job?
- Social Appearance - What will the people around me think?
- Morals - I feel bad, shouldn’t I be doing the right thing?
These 3 factors sum up the ‘explicable’ makings of any relationship. The ‘inexplicable’ makings of a relationship include attraction, desire & love, but these factors are not present when you reach a point of wanting to part ways with your current partner. So all we’re left with is 1, 2 and 3.
Shipwreck’s dry answer to point 1 & 2 is - if you’re not enjoying what you’re doing, quit. There are so many fabulous people in this world that if you’re hanging around for any of these reasons, you clearly haven’t found the person of your dreams - you’ve merely found a substitute.
Number 3 creates problems - morals are what is preached, but not necessarily listened to, by the voice in your head that is loudest when your best mates girlfriend starts dirty dancing with you.
I threw morals into the mix because there are many people in a relationship that are either married or have children, and have made a commitment to one-another, through thick and thin, to stick together. Only you will know in your situation whether what you are doing is morally wrong. It’s easy…just listen to the little voice inside your head.
Actually Breaking Up with a Guy
So you’ve plucked up the courage, you know there’s another Mr Right out there, you’re ready for your freedom, and you don’t care what other people think (either that or you just couldn’t give a stuff about your soon to be ex-boyfriend)….it’s time to cut ties.
The way you go about breaking up with a guy depends on the power-play in your current relationship. The power-play means who effectively has the control, final say, strength, and overall power in the relationship. If you are the person with the power, your heart is less likely to be broken. If you are the one with less power, but are unhappy with your present situation, you will find it harder, and you are the person who Shipwreck is really aiming this at.
Breaking up with a guy, particularly someone who you have shared so much with is not easy, but I’m going to make it easy. Guy’s don’t like to be mucked around, so let’s cut to the chase.
What Girls Say vs What Guys Think
Girl says: “I don’t think we should see each other any more”
Guys thinks: “Why not? What’s wrong? If something’s wrong I can fix it (because I’m a guy and I’m great at fixing things). What are you going to be doing if you’re not seeing me any more? I don’t understand your reasoning. I think you just need to re-think things.”
Girl says: “I might be going away for a while, and I think it’s best that we end our relationship”
Guy thinks: “Stupid b&$#% is going off to tart around. I can’t believe she’s going to be off in some other city sleeping around. How can I stop her from going? What can I do to make her stay? I know - I’m going to go all out and do something extreme to make her stay (like proposing to her or something).”
Girl says: “I’ve started seeing someone else”
Guy thinks: “Who’s the guy? Why is he any better than me? I’m going to kill the b&%#$*d. Stupid s#$t, I never really loved you anyway.”
Shipwreck is about to let you in on a piece of gold information here for any female who is about to tell a guy that it’s over. There’s are 2 magical phrases that you should never use - “I think” and “We should”
From a guys perspective, if you’re ‘thinking’ something, you have not made up your mind. This leaves room for persuasion, and trust me, the guy will try and persuade you if he really likes you. The same applies with ’should’ - it isn’t a closed, final statement.
By taking out the phrases “I think” or “We should” when you break the news to a guy, you are being assertive, decisive and conclusive. This gives him little option but to accept and respect your answer (yes, many guys will respect your answer if you are decisive and conclusive about it).
The second little piece of gold Shipwreck will impart on you is in relation to the 3rd example - seeing someone else. If you have started seeing someone else, don’t put the emphasis on saying it….do it! Actions speak louder than words with guys, whereas words speak louder than actions with girls. If you have started seeing someone else, make it obvious to your man - he would much rather find the guys g-banger in your bed and hate you than have the news broken to him by you, leaving him living in the hope that he can fix things.
If a guy’s heart is broken, he’d much rather be able to move on and despise you (and tell all his friends that he’s over you) than waste time trying to win you back (which he knows he never will, but tries nonetheless).
Having been on both sides of the equation, Shipwreck knows that where possible, guys should be put out of their misery by harsh, abrupt break-ups…otherwise a guy will live in a dream of hope, and you will be left with a pathetic little wannabe-Romeo standing at your window singing to you in the middle of the night.
Last but not least, if you’re considering breaking up with someone, make sure you have a good read of one of Shipwreck’s most popular and controversial articles - Dealing with Ex’s - What to do & What NOT to do
Category: dealing with ex's, hints & tips, lead Story, relationship advice, relationship troubles
Could not agee with you more..