Shipwreck’s Guide to Understanding Men

A few months back a reader asked me why guys tell girls what they always want to here, as opposed to the truth.  It’s true, I do it, all guys do it…but we do it for a reason. 

We do it because generally we get emotionally blackmailed, resulting in a no-win situation.  Which means ladies, yes, you obviously are smarter than us males.

Let’s forget the “Do I look fat in this” scenario – it’s been done to death.  Shipwreck would much rather take a practical view on this topic by looking at less obvious situations where guys lie to girls.

And P.S.  Ladies, if you have never realised that your guy is lying to you in any of the following situations, it’s time to wake up and smell the flowers (not the boy).

Common Lie #1
A lady says to his man one Friday afternoon - “I’d really like it if we stayed in and had a quiet night together tonight - do you mind?”  Assuming he’s got some kind of life other than his X-Box, she will bat her eye-lids and he will say meekly say “Okay” (a bit like a Yogi bear who’s just been told to keep out of Jellystone Park by the Ranger).

Does the man really mind?  Well, the answer - if he’s in any way the one that wears the pants in the relationship, chances are he will mind.  His Friday night is no longer under his control and his options for the night are now pretty much closed.

So where’s he gone wrong?  Why did he say ‘Okay’ to something he clearly isn’t ok with?

It comes down to the ‘least pain’ option - he knows where his nice meals come from, he knows who is there to tuck him in at night, and he recognises that if he were to upset her - smack - he’d be in the dog house for a week.

So, he goes ahead and lies to her.

Common Lie #2
“Honey, you don’t mind if I catch up with my ex boyfriend for a drink next week do you?  He’s going through a hard time at the moment and he needs someone who understands him to talk to.” (i.e. guilt trip).  To which the guy replies, “Yeah well, I guess that’s cool.”

Wrong.  It’s not cool, it never will be cool, and the stupid ex should grow up and handle his own problems.  Besides, what is she still doing with his phone number?

In fact, take a leaf out of one of Shipwreck’s previous posts - Dealing with Ex’s. Ladies, in case you haven’t read this yet, read it and follow Shipwreck’s Golden Rule to a T.  It will make your life far easier (and you won’t be lied to by your man as often).

In this scenario, your man is trying to show that he trusts you by letting you have coffee with your ex.  Indeed he most likely does trust you, but nonetheless, you’ve put him in a no-win situation.  If he says no, you have a cry about trust, and if he says yes, he’s lied to you.

So, he weighs up his options, and goes ahead and lies.

Common Lie #3
This is one of my favourite ‘lie’ scenarios (from a man’s perspective)…

It’s a nice warm summer’s evening, and your partner rings you up to say that she has organised a double-date with her best friend and her boyfriend at the local restaurant.  It’s your turn to pick them up, so you drive over to their house, have a few pre-drinks and then walk back out to the car. 

All of a sudden the world caves in when it comes to getting into the car.  The delightfully posh other boyfriend opens up the door for his girlfriend, whilst you proceed straight for your door.  “Hey! What about me? Roy has opened Sharon’s door for her, but what about me?  Don’t you love me?”

Here’s the situation you’ve just put him in:

• your boyfriend has just done you the courteous thing of driving
• your boyfriend may not even like your best friend, let alone her butler-like boyfriend
• your boyfriend now has 3 sets of eyes, all 3 of which he knows will gossip about him behind his back, staring at him waiting for his response

“Of course I do, I just wanted to get the car warmed up.  Of course I love you.”

Girls, wake up - your boyfriend has just lied to you.  The point at which a man has a crowd of spectators watching his reaction to a cheap “don’t you love me” comment, is the point that your man loves you the least. 

“Don’t you love me” is possibly the worst phrase to use on a guy – because you’re going to get a lie for an answer.  It show’s you’re desperate.

******

Whilst away on a business junket last week, Shipwreck was told a very funny story from a more mature-aged associate (and avid fan of Shipwreck’s Blog).  Without going into the detail of the rather funny circumstances, it spelled out the other option that guys have aside from lying – that being, ‘getting up and running’.

If we lie, we are doing it for the betterment of our relationship, so don’t criticize us.  If we don’t lie, our options are either to tell you the truth, which will make you cry, or leave you, and assuming you placed some worth on our relationship in the first place, you will probably cry as well.

…and that is why, guys must lie or girls will cry.