Shipwreck’s Guide to Understanding Men

I received a question last week from a reader in Perth named Tess in response to my post about ‘3 Things Men Can’t Resist‘. Tess asked -

“Do you guys notice whether chicks are tanned or not??? and do they really care?”

I sometimes wonder about this myself (in fact I got a spray tan on Saturday, but I’ll tell you about that in a minute - funny story!)Having tanned skin merely makes you conform more with what the Cleo’s, Cosmo’s and Dolly magazines try and promote. Indeed you could say that guys take more notice of girls with tanned skin (a bit like they take more notice of hot cars). They do so because it’s part of their subconscious wanting to conform with what society recognises, or at least thinks it recognises, as ‘good looking’.

Getting a tan for the sake of being more noticed is not the right reason to do it. Have a read of my article about Breast Enlargement and what guys think of that. The essence of the article is that you should do what makes YOU feel good, not what society is pressuring you into. Also, if you’re not careful, the effects of the sun in today’s climate can be very damaging - sometimes it’s just not worth the risk lying in the sun for hours.

Personally, if I was approached by a confident girl without a tan, it would not matter. If she had a fake tan on and it was noticeable I’d probably laugh a bit inside, thinking that it’s a bit silly that she went to all that trouble for the sake of looking good.

Getting noticed by a guy goes much further than the shade of your skin. If it’s a genuine male that you’re after, he will look for your qualities, confidence, smile, caring nature etc. Skin comes and goes with age, and fake tan wears off after a while, so don’t become obsessed with it. Think about some of today’s most popular celebrities who don’t exactly have bronzed bodies - Nicole Kidman (hot!), Justin Timberlake (doesn’t matter what he looks like with those dance moves), Pete Doherty (this dude went out with Supermodel Kate Moss!). These people are all proof that there’s more to life, success and love than just the colour of ones skin.

Well, onto my little tanning story…

I got called up late Friday afternoon by a close friend (and avid reader of Shipwrecks Blog) because it was one of our friends hens nights on Saturday, and they had no ‘entertainment’ arranged other than tickets the Justin Timberlake concert. She asked if I’d mind providing some tasteful but fun entertainment to a group of about 10 girls Saturday afternoon as their male stripper. Myself and a close friend from high school used to muck around with this same group of girls when we were young, and the bride-to-be wasn’t allowed any nudity or a real male stripper, so I agreed to the challenge!

Having not been to the gym for 3 months, I decided I’d get my chest waxed (second time in my life) and a spray tan from Kerry at Kdeez Tanning Studio in Perth (I’d recommend this Perth spray tan business to anyone - they’ve got a great product…coming from Mr white-arse Shipwreck!) I got my chest waxed on Friday night (I understand the pain some girls put themselves through), and got the spray tan done on Saturday just before lunchtime. This stuff was great - no stickiness, I didn’t look like an orange, and it didn’t come off on my clothes.

Anyway, 5 hours later I’d managed to strip down to the sounds of Right Said Fred, The Full Monty Soundtrack, and 50 Cent (let’s just say I was still wearing ‘not a lot baby girl, just a lil bit’). The girls loved it, and one even asked if I did this full time!

So why did I get a spray tan? In this case yes, I was conforming to what society likes to see in the context of a male stripper - hot (cough cough), muscle-bound (pfffft), glistening, hairless male body. Whereas if it was a relationship I was after with any one of these girls, the tanning salon would be the last thing on my mind. I just did what I thought was appropriate for the situation…and it worked a charm

I tell you what though, trying to find information on the internet about DIY male stripteases is impossible! Ladies, if you’ve got some tips add them to the comments below so others can learn from them.

P.S. If anyone wants a tasteful male stripper in Perth my rates start at $500/hr And thank you to my lovely understanding girlfriend who let me do the show, and was there to film the whole thing…lucky girl! x